The Fellowship goes to the Zoo
by Quelebnen
Summary: Just like the title says, the fellowship goes to the zoo.
1. Too the Zoo

_Disclaimer_: I own nothing of the wonderful Lord of the Rings.

_Author's Note:_ Wow, I haven't touched any of my fanfictions in a _long time_. I plan on finishing them, but I think I'll fix up the chapters I have first. I've realized that there are loop holes and the spelling and grammar is something a four year old might write. So, here is the updated and edited Chapter One of The Fellowship Goes to the Zoo

The Fellowship Goes to the Zoo

It was a beautiful day; a perfect day to go to The Zoo. Gandalf was driving. Legolas was singing. Boromir examining the sun-tan-lotion that Legolas wanted all of them to wear. All the hobbits other than Sam were listening to their CD Players. They each were singing along to their music causing a lot of useless noise in the back. Sam was looking out the window watching the other cars zip past.

"Gandalf, can we move any faster?" Sam asked.

"Don't rush him." Gimli answered. "You remember the last time, when we were going to be late for the movies?"

Sam quickly shut up. That was one of the memories he always tried to forget. The Fellowship had wanted to go see the "New _Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring_ Movie" When they realized that they had bought tickets for the wrong screen time, Gandalf picked up the pace. Thus it resulted in an ugly car crash and a raise in their insurance. Sam shuddered, that had _not _been a fun time; they hadn't even seen the movie!

Gandalf the White, was the oldest and extremely tired. So that really slowed him down. When he wanted to move fast, disaster was just waiting with a smile on it's face. He could never admit this to anyone. To try and hide his problems he cut small corners to try and make life easier. By driving slowly his chance of a car crash was lessened. The only thing he did not notice was how obvious his problem was.

Boromir looked over at their Old Guide, then his attention returned to the sun screen that Legolas wanted all of them to wear. He groaned. Legolas seemed to have taken the job of running the Fellowship over. It was getting rather annoying; all the power seemed to be going to his head. He had never worn sunscreen in his life; he was not going to start now.

Gimli was chattering loudly again. The only person who seemed to be paying attention to him was Legolas. No one knew how he managed to do this double tasking, but it was appreciated. Out of the entire Fellowship, Legolas seemed to be the only one who left without his patience being completely shot. Without his peace of mind, the Fellowship probably wouldn't be able to go on these little outings.

Aragorn had a bright smile on his face; which meant his ear plugs were in. Being the King of Gondor had been the biggest mistake he had made in his life (or so he would tell people). It turned out that living with an elf for a wife was not as easy as it looked. Not to forget how hard it was to run a company. That had been enough trouble and noise for any man to deal with. Now when ever he went on trip he brought his ear plugs. He relied on Legolas (who heard everything) to tell him if anything important was said.

Sam yawned and stretched. "He accidentally knocked Pippin's CD player out of his hand. The CD Player crashed to the ground. Pippin watched in horror as the back fell off and the batteries fell out.

Sam what'da do that for?" Pippin asked. He was really upset. "That was my favourite song!"

"I didn't mean to Pip! It was an accident!!" Sam yelled. He wanted the other hobbits to here, and on top of that their hearing must be pretty bad from listening to blaring music twenty-for seven.

Legolas stopped his singing and silenced Gimli. He turned around and looked at the Merry, Pippin and Sam giving them his perfected disgusted look. The three hobbits froze and shut up. Legolas was nice and all, but could be really scary. None of the Hobbits wanted to cross him, especially since they were all confined into the van.

A few minutes passed and there was utter silence. This amazed Legolas and he tapped Aragorn's shoulder. Aragorn took out his ear plugs. He expected it was something of importance, so he braced himself and pulled out his ear plugs.

"Holy crap! I'm deaf!" Aragorn screamed.

"You're not deaf; you're just experiencing actual quiet." Legolas whispered.

For the rest of the car ride The Fellowship was extremely quiet. At least Aragorn was happy


	2. They Arrive

The Fellowship Goes to the Zoo

They Arrive

He used to be the King of Gondor, but after realizing that being King wasn't all fun and games he gave up on it. He pulled the same trick that Boromir had done; he faked his death. Boromir helped him plan and execute the death. He could not tell Arwen; which he did cause him to feel some what guilty. Boromir convinced that this was the best way; if Arwen found out he was alive, he'd be dragged back to Minas Tirith kicking and screaming.

Aragorn was taken out of his thoughts when all of a sudden the car stopped. To some people it would be hard to tell when the car was moving or stopping when Gandalf was driving.

"We have arrived" Gandalf said, trying to imitate his wizard voice from before; he failed miserably.

"Finally" Merry said as he jumped out of the car.

"That took forever" Pippin exclaimed after he got out.

"Mr. Frodo, we're here" Sam yelled as he shook the zoned out Frodo. Merry and Pippin had been forced to stop listening to music, but some how Frodo managed to slip through...

"Where are we" Frodo asked as he slowly came back to reality.

"The Zoo Mister Frodo" Sam said.

"Please don't call me Mr. Frodo Sam, it ruins my image." Frodo said.

"Okay Mr. I mean Frodo." Sam answered.

Frodo had changed a lot since he had lost the ring. He also realised that he lost his publicy when the movie came out. Since all the girls were attracted to Viggo Mortensen and Orlando Bloom he lost his fame. He had been the Ring Bearer, but that was not enough. Currently he did anything in his power to rebuild his fan base.

The Fellowship approached the entrance to the Zoo. Aragorn read the sign for entry prices. A small smile began to spread across his face.

"Legolas" Aragorn asked.

"Yes Aragorn" Legolas answered.

"Do you think we can pass the hobbits for children" Aragorn finished.

"Well they are the right size, but we might need to make a few adjustments." Legolas said and started to smile. Aragorn joined him in laughing.

The Hobbits gulped when they say Aragorn and Legolas approaching them. The two of them had evil grins on their faces, as if they were really going to enjoy something that other _normal _people might not like.

---

"Yes sirs' what may I do for you today." The person at the desk enquired.

"Well let's see. It would be two seniors, three adults and four children." Legolas said.

"Umm sir, I don't see two seniors." The lady said.

"Ohh, I'm sorry." Legolas said and smiled grandly. "The second one is I."

The Lady at the desk gave Legolas an odd look. "I'm sorry Sir but to be a senior you have to be 63 and up"

"Ohh." Legolas said. "That would make three seniors."

"I only see one senior sir" The Lady said. She was getting very flustered.

Aragorn realised that he had to take matters into his own hands if they wanted to get into the Zoo any time soon. He gave the Woman his grand I-Used-To-Be-King Smile.

"You see." He started. "My friend here is over 2000 years old."

Legolas smiled and blushed.

The Lady looked at Legolas. "Sir, what do you take me for? He looks like he's 20."

"I am not that young" Legolas screeched. "You make me out to be that immature! The other senior is him! Does he look too young! He's over 100"

"Legolas! Don't go out giving out Men's ages like that" Aragorn said and he began to blush.

Gandalf decided that it was his turn to try and attempt at doing something productive and began pushing his way to get in between Aragorn and Legolas. By now the Woman was screaming.

"You all of you are mental! Hey you have swords!"

"Aragorn YOU TWIT!" Legolas screamed. Aragorn flinched at the loud noise. "Why did you draw your BLOODY SWORD?"

With that Legolas drew one of his White Knives and began waving it at Aragorn and lecturing him. While this little scene was going on the Lady continued to scream.

"You have swords! Lunatics!" She paused taking a breath and realized the smartest thing she could do. "SECUR-"

The Lady was cut off. Gandalf had covered the women's mouth and pulled her half way out of the little windowed building.

"Here is 1000 bucks let us in" Gandalf yelled. He then pulled his staff out of his sleeve and started to mumble a spell. Lightning struck at his feet.

"Okay go in go in" The Lady said. She was horrified.

The Fellowship walked in giving the Lady smiles. Gimli was pulling Pippin in a wagon. Pippin took off his bonnet and took the lollypop out of his mouth and smiled at the Lady.

"By the way, I'm 42."


	3. Inside the Zoo

_Disclaimer: _Nope, I still don't own the Lord of the Rings.

The Fellowship Goes to the Zoo

The Fellowship went straight to the washroom so the hobbits could take off the Little Kid Clothes. Legolas was still flustered. He hated being treated like he was an idiot. That Woman had really got at one of his nerves.

Aragorn on the other hand was embarrassed. He did not like people finding out his true age; it was never good on a social level to be treated like an old timer when he felt like he was twenty. He hated the fact that Legolas announced his age to everyone who would listen. Still Legolas wasn't that young himself.

"Let's go see the tiger!" Pippin said.

"No!" Merry said. "Let's go to the lion feeding!"

The two Hobbits began to argue over which Wild Cat was the strongest, the best looking and could win in a battle to the death.

Gandalf then interrupted this train of thought. "Nope! We are going to see the monkeys."

The Fellowship groaned. Gandalf had this weird attachment to monkeys. He was always watching the Discovery Channel Specials and reading books on them. They hadn't even thought of what would happen when they brought him to the Zoo.

"Gandalf, that's on the other side of the Zoo. Why don't we work our way over there?" Aragorn soothed.

"We will see the Monkeys now!" Gandalf yelled. Many people turned to look at the old man all dressed in white. Some teenagers snickered in the corner at the fact of an old man in a dress.

The Fellowship glared at the group. The Teenagers glared back. With that the teenagers huffed and moved on.

Frodo had been silent and the Fellowship had forgotten about him. He finally piped up in the form of mumbling, making everyone forget about the group of teenagers.

"But it will take us a long time to go over there!" Frodo mumbled.

The Fellowship nodded. There was no way that they could change Gandalf's mind, and they expected it wouldn't be smart to ignore his request.

"Wait." Aragorn said. "I have an idea." He nodded his head in the direction of the Horsey Ride.

---

"So what's his name?" Aragorn asked the man in charge of the horses.

"Buttercup." The Man answered. He was eyeing Aragorn's sword.

"Buttercup." Aragorn said to the Horse. "Your name is Kingly."

"Okay." The Man said. "Do you want me to put the sadd-" The man stopped talking when he noticed Aragorn had placed a saddle on the horse and was galloping away at high speed.

"I am surrounded be lunatics!"

Aragorn met up with the rest of the fellowship near the Zebra Pen. All of them had Horses except for the Hobbits, who had found some nice looking ponies.

"Well here we have it again." Gimli said. "We always seem to be on horses."

"This horse will never beat my Shadowfax." Gandalf said. He was sitting on a white horse that looked strangely familiar.

"I am Shadowfax you dope!" The Horse said. "I got a part time job because you're so lazy so I have to provide for myself!"

"Ahhhhh!" The Horse is talking to me!" Gandalf screeched.

"I told you horses and ponies are able to talk!" Sam smiled. "Bill and I had many good talks."

"This is just too weird." Gimli said.

"Just look at it like this." Aragorn said. "Elves talk to rocks."

"Shut it!" Legolas said.

"So Legolas." Gimli sputtered trying to hold back a laugh. "What is that rock saying?"

"It says you're fat." Legolas answered. He spurred his horse.

"Stupid Elf!" Gimli yelled. He followed Legolas. The only thing the rest of the fellowship was able to do was follow.

Gandalf muttered to himself and switched poor Shadowfax for a Zebra. They seemed to be silent, then took off after the rest of the Fellowship.

Shadowfax was left there standing in the dust.

_Author's Note: _Sorry about the Shadowfax bit. I found it funny so I put it in there... Well it was funny to me... Okay I guess I do have a screwed up sense of humor... If you want to read some of my **better**-written works read the Lord of the Apples


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